THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES

  * How many men does it take to open a beer?
  None.  It should be opened by the time she brings it.


  * Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
  Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
  never be able to support you.


  * Why do women have smaller feet than men?
  It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
  to the kitchen sink.


  * How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
  When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."


  * How do you fix a woman's watch?
  You don't. There is a clock on the oven.


   * If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, whom do you let in first?
  The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


   * What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
  A woman that won't do what she's told.


   * What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
  Divorced.


  * Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
by 90%.  It is called Wedding Cake.


   * Marriage is a 3-ring circus:  Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,
Suffering.


  * Our last fight was my fault.  My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"  I
  said, "Dust!"


   * In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.  Then God created
  Man and rested.  Then God created Woman.  Since then, neither God nor
Man has rested.


  * Why do men die before their wives?
  They want to.


  * A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
  said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
  She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."


  * Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
  Dad: "That happens in every country, son."


  * The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
  Forget it once.


  * Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
  Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.
  Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the
  refrigerator.

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